A Hazy Daze

I highly recommend The Giver. First read the book, obviously, but then watch the movie! It's an easy read, you can do it! Just a small spoiler. In the opening scene the main character is riding his bike through the community. Background- this is utopia, black and white, no differences, all equal. Jonas, says I've always known that I've seen things differently. He is looking up at the trees and sees a faint color of green. I don't normally analyze movies, I'm not very good at it. I watch a movie purely for entertainment. The book (and movie) is full of great one liners and I won't spoil them for you, but this scene really stuck with me. I was reminded of the story where Jesus healed the blind man. Take a look at it here:

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearlyJesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.” 

--Mark 8: 22-26

Maybe it was the fuzzy trees that made me make this connection, or that this story was about Jonas finding his purpose and I was relating to that journey, I don't know, but it sent me down this rabbit hole of prayer.

I remember coming out of surgery in March and being so disoriented. Everyone around me has got it together, saying this and that to me, and I'm like, "where am I?!" I lost 2 hours of my life. It's sort of scary when you think about it like that. The doctor asked me a few weeks later, "Do you remember talking to me in post-op?" "Nope, not at all." That's scary. I don't even remember talking to someone. I know I was coming off drugs and what not, but seriously, doesn't that sort of freak you out a little? Have you ever had surgery? Or had to take pain killers? Or just been so outrageously tired that you were in a daze?




This hazy confusion  is how I imagine the blind man in this story in Mark. Let's just state the obvious and move on, it is super gross that Jesus spit on a man's eyes. He heals the man once, and he says that everyone looks like trees. That isn't good enough for Jesus, because He knows that people do not look like trees, so the healing wasn't done. So he does it again, he spits, and puts his hands on the man's eyes. When he opens his eyes, his vision is restored and he sees everything CLEARLY.  This story has always been a favorite. We've seen stories of Jesus healing in mighty ways. Once just said the words be healed, and the man was healed, he raised a man from the dead, he healed a man who was paralyzed, he healed many, many, many people. He is a super creative guy when it comes to his miracles, and I like that. But in this story, he doesn't get it right the first time? That's weird. I think he does this for a variety of different reasons, but for the purpose of this post, I'll stick with one. Jesus wants us to be healed. He wants us to be free from our hurting and the chains that bind us to our earthly desires. And we want that healing too don't we? I don't think I've ever met someone who was like, "THIS PAIN IS AWESOME. YAAA! LET'S BUILD A SPACESHIP!!!" (Lego movie reference). This story illustrates to me that healing is a process.

I'm not going to lie, I definitely thought that moving to Kentucky would instantly heal me. I thought that there would be this wave of relief and release of sadness in my life. I had been on this journey of healing, and I was certain that Asbury was the end all of my pain. I got cocky. I decided that I had figured enough out and I didn't really need God's help anymore. I found a steady rhythm and that was that. I was super duper wrong about that. To paraphrase what a friend reminded me of "if the healing is so instant, then I may need to reconsider the bandaid." Healing takes time, it's a process. Jesus could have restored that man's vision instantly. He also could have left his vision to be distorted, and made that the new norm, but he didn't. He refused to leave him with a distorted view on life. Jesus refuses to leave me in this mud pile. Jesus refuses to let YOU have a distorted view of YOUR life. 

This is what I know to be true. I am the daughter of the King. I am worthy of His love. I am worthy of His healing. I am worthy. I apologize if this blog comes across as this whine of loneliness, it truly isn't meant to be that way. It is a cry of brokenness. I want to be honest with you, because with honesty, chains are broken and I don't know about you, but my chains are starting to make my back ache.

Here is my challenge for myself and for you! Read and live this out with me!

For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.  For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.  God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him... If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Either way, Christ’s love controls us.Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 

--2 Corinthians 5: 1-9, 14-17

Out with the old, in with the new. 

Remember that Jesus came and died that we may have life abundantly, not life distortedly. 

Keep it up my friends.

Check out this beautiful reflection: You are not alone.