I am officially all moved out and living with my wonderful parents for 2 weeks before I depart for Asbury. Packing became way more challenging than I anticipated. Shout out to my Mom for being the best helper EVER, she deserves way more than I can ever give her. Packing became a challenge because the weightiness of what is about to happen dawned on me. I'm starting over. I know that God knows my heart so well, but guess who else does? Satan. Satan knows so much about me. And boy, did I let him take this moving process and completely control my emotional state through it.
For example. Last Friday evening my goal was to pack up my closet. I have a "system." I throw everything in the middle of the floor and sort. However, I just ended up laying on my clothes weeping and praying. "God, why am I starting to doubt? This is so clearly your calling for me life, but the doubt is creeping in and it hurts." Instead of listening to God's still small voice (After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:12) I listened to Satan's bellowing yell. I hate it when I do that. All this doubt, fear, and sadness crept in and I had an official pity party. I feared being happy. Yes, I have been joyful, but there are more moments in my life lately where I feel down than I do happy. I hope that makes sense. However, I have started feeling better and better and I know that will continue in Wilmore. Satan had gotten into my mind not that I couldn't be happy but that I shouldn't be happy. I feared that if I truly let go of these bitter and grieving feelings that it will be pointless. I feared that if I just let myself enjoy the moment and think positively it will just boomerang to the negativity. Ultimately, I feared that my happiness and joy would be taken away. I was so happy, before and I let Satan convince me that those feelings of excitement and eagerness can be taken away in a snap. I let him say over and over, "if you enjoy these moments, you will regret it later. God took your happiness away once, and he will do it again." My friend came over in the nix of time. She told me Satan was poking me in the eye and that he was so clearly controlling my brain that it wasn't even me talking. I began to see the irrationality of my thought process. It's scary sometimes how Satan's voice can sound so similar to God's if we allow him to.
That whole weekend was a battle of doubt and discouragement for me. I couldn't get out of it. I had glimpses of grace and would breath easy, but as soon as I relaxed, the worry started again. This began a discussion with God and others. Why is it easier to feel discouraged than strong and content in the Lord? Why is it easier to worry instead of giving it up to God? Why is it easier to listen to Satan speak lies over us, instead of listening to God sing His love over us? Maybe it's just me that feels this way. It's easier for me to sit and wallow than to get up and shake it off. I don't really have any answers to these questions, but I do have these scriptures that point me to the truth.
The THEIF has come to still my joy. The THEIF broke into my mind and I let him. The THEIF convinced me that finally shaking off this remaining grief and heartache would be pointless, because God will just take it away again. But that is a LIE. IT'S A LIE PEOPLE!! SATAN IS A LIAR. Not a word of truth does he speak. I don't know what you worry about. I don't know what creeps in your mind and takes over your thoughts, but I do know this- if your thoughts are not whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8) they are NOT from God.
God has given us a life to live ABUNDANTLY. He has given us limitless freedom to serve and love him in a radical way. We will never ever ever live abundantly if we keep letting Satan lie to us. I know what Satan uses in my life to cripple me. For me, he uses relationships, my sensitivity, my confidence, my need to please, my need to be liked...etc, etc. What does he use in your life? What ever it is, it's not letting you live fully and freely.
God's not a glass half-empty/half-full kind of God. Find peace this week and knowing we serve a God who wants us to be FILLED with joy. Live fully and without limits in the grace and freedom that Jesus has given us through his death.
Keep it up my friends!
Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment