pil·grim·age

I will be moving this week. 4 days to be exact. I have my weepy moments, but my excitement is so much greater than my anxiety. Which is odd for me, because I am typically a very anxious person when it comes to change. I'm sure the tummy ache will start any minute now...

I've said it a lot, but I'll say it again. This is more than going back to school for me. This is more than moving away from my hurt. This is even more than starting over fresh. This is my pilgrimage.

As I pack and repack and reflect on leaving this place called home, I'm reminded of these stories of Jesus. Stories that show is vulnerability, stories that show that he wasn't this emotionless robot, stories that reflect relatable humanness.

The first story is Jesus with the woman at the well. (John4) I want to point out a really important part of this story. This story is more than the truth of the Living Water. This story shows that Jesus got tired. "Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)" John 4: 6-8  JESUS got tired. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel guilty about how worn out I feel. Lately, I have felt drained all the time. I could nap and nap and nap all day! Maybe it's the release of all my work stress no longer there, maybe it's the stress of the move, or maybe my body is getting back in college nap mode. I don't know why but I do know that I'm tired. I love this story because Jesus got tired too. I also like to note that his disciples to went to go get food while Jesus sat. I could be wrong, everyone has there own ideas and interpretations, but I can see Jesus saying, "Hey ya'll, why don't you go get us some food and I'll stay here and get water." And Jesus used that time for a little reprieve. It gave him time to talk to the Samaritan woman in a way that was so personal and sacred. Jesus was tired, but he still served.

Lesson 1: It's okay to be tired. It's okay to need a break. You can serve the Lord just as well in simple conversations than in grand gestures. 

The second story of Jesus is from Matthew 14. In Matthew 14 some pretty significant things happen. John the Baptist is beheaded and Jesus withdrew to pray alone. Then he meets a large crowd on the beach who are in need of healing and he shows compassion. THEN he proceeds to feed, oh no big deal, 5,000 men (not included are the children and women) with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. After this simple dinner party Jesus sends the disciples ahead on the boat and goes to the mountainside to pray alone. THEN he gracefully walks on the water, a storm comes, Peter tries and fails to walk with him because of a lack of faith, and then they land on the shore and Jesus heals some more sick people. That's Matthew 14. ANYWAYS. What I get from all this is that Jesus went alone to pray. Jesus had this huge tragedy in his best friend John dying, and went to a solitary place and prayed.  Immediately after that he heals and feeds thousands of people and after that he goes and prays alone. THEN he walks on water!! This leads me to believe that, it's okay to need to be alone. If anyone understands the term "burn out," I think that would be Jesus. Jesus shows us in these passages that it's okay to need to take a breath and be alone with our God. Jesus knew His calling, but he also knew that only his Father could refuel and refresh him. If we are expected to only serve, serve, serve, and give, give, give, we will fail. I didn't know how completely drained I was until I visited Asbury. I cried the whole way home because I honestly didn't know how I was going to make it through Vacation Bible School. It was certainly by the grace of God. I never took time in my two years to be apart, to take a breath, to be served myself. I heard a saying once, "Sometimes you must be apart before you fall apart." It's okay not to be on every committee, it's okay not to go to every luncheon or dinner, and it's okay to want to spend a Friday evening in your pjs and eat ice cream and watch mindless TV. Jesus knew about burn out and his way of defeating it was to pray alone with his Father. Asbury is my time to be apart. I will be in community and fellowship, but I also expect that this will be my time at the mountainside with God. How can you start finding time to be apart, so that you don't come apart?

Lesson 2: IT'S OKAY TO BE APART. Take time and be in solitude and pray and listen to our God who wants to speak directly to you!

And the last scripture that has been on my mind is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. In Matthew 26.   Jesus is in the Garden on the night he was arrested. Jesus simply says to his friends, sit and watch guard while I go pray alone. Again, going alone to be with his Father. Now his friends are sleepy, and aren't the best at watching guard, but that's not the part I want to point out. Verse 39 says "he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”" What I love about this passage is that it shows Jesus's vulnerability. I think Jesus was scared, but he knew that if this was the Father's will than it must be done. Now, the majority of us are not going to have the calling on our lives to be crucified, but we will have certain things that God presses us to do. Sometimes these urges are small like take dinner to a friend or write a sweet note. But, some may be big, like picking up and moving, taking a new job, getting out of a toxic relationship, having a baby, I don't know....you name it. We are going to have doubts and be scared, but if what we know to be true about the callings that God puts on our lives, they are going to be prosperous. God's will will be done, even in the midst of our fear and confusion.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Lesson 3: It's okay to have emotions. It's okay to have a little hesitation. It's not okay to let that fear take over and keep you from doing God's purpose for your life. Remember, "In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future,nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 37-39 

So this is my last blog before I am a Kentuckian (?)! This pilgrimage started in May, and I pray that it continues to be just as exciting. Where is your journey taking you? What is your journey going to intel? Wherever your journey goes and whatever you do on it, the journey will be awesome, because our God doesn't plan crap.

Hope and Peace my Friends!

SJ

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity