Three Little Words

Have you ever noticed that the strongest phrases are always three little words? The first two that come to mind, "I love you" and "I hate you." Even just typing that last one made me cringe, bleck. I do not like that phrase. And then, why is it so hard to say, "I love you?" Why is it this nerve racking thing to do in a relationship? Just envisioning saying that again to someone romantically is making me sweat right now. Seriously, come feel my palms. That phrase is difficult for me to say beyond my family members. I love a lot of people, but for some reason it feels like I'm playing Chubby Bunny when I say it. Does anyone else experience this?

In two weeks 2014 will come to an end. Can you believe that? Man, this year, it's been a doosey. As much as I am so ready to close it and start afresh, I can't help but step back and be thankful for the tough journey. Jesus wasn't lying when he said this in Matthew 7, "13 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Small and narrow...difficult but worth it...is road that leads to life. I came across this quote from Oswald Chambers the other day and it took my breath away. If someone was like, "Sarah what is your 2014 yearbook quote?" This would be it, "If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.” My purpose? To make people feel loved. Specifically, to help women who have experienced pain and are hurting from deep wounds to see and feel the love of Christ and to find confidence beyond anything they knew was possible in the grace of God. 

How do we make people feel loved? By saying three little words to them? Yes, but more importantly helping them hear and experience God saying those words to them. Here is the thing about being deeply wounded, we learn to listen to the other "three little words" (the h word) more than the "l word." We listen to a lot of three little words: You're ugly, you're unworthy, you're pathetic, you are dumb, you are average, you are foolish, you have failed, you keep failing, you should quit....etc, etc. I hope none of those sound familiar, but I know that for a lot of you, they do. When we listen to those phrases for so long, we become immune to the positive things people say and the truth that Christ is speaking to us through others. So how do we overcome the lies Satan speaks not only to us but to the ones we love? By being annoying! Yes! By showing love on top of love to others. Genuinely though. We need to be genuinely annoying!

But, seriously. When I was first working through my healing process, people annoyed the heck out of me. Texting me, calling me, lying to me....oops did I say that? What they were doing was speaking truth to me, and the truth was...how can I put this lightly... ANNOYING AS HELL! I can't describe it, in my mind I knew they were speaking truth, but I just was so hardened to it that it felt fake. Eventually though, looking back, I'm so so so so so so soo grateful beyond measure for their persistence. I began to believe what they were saying to me, and eventually, I heard my Savior saying those things to me.

Words are powerful. "Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." That is a load of crap...stop telling people that. "The tongue has the power of life and death.."- Proverbs 18:21. Words are powerful and words haunt us. Broken bones heal, but the emotional damage from words, that's deeper than physical pain. It use to be easier for me to look back and pick out the hurtful things people said to me than it was to find the encouragement. Not so much anymore. We have to help people find confidence. We have to help people find grace. We have to help people find those things in the Lord. And we have to be patient with them through the process. Give them space, give them grace, but keep loving them. The worst thing someone can hear from you, is to "get over it," another three little word phrase that can further the feeling of defeat. Let's look at this passage from James (3:5) and consider it's power, "Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." What if the forest fire we start in someone is one of grace, truth, and the powerful and healing love of Jesus Christ? 

Need some help finding the words to speak? Here are some more extremely powerful three little words to tell people: 
You are loved. 
You are worthy.
You are forgiven.
You are strong.
You are dignified.
You are beautiful (or handsome).
You are smart.
You are important.
You are precious. 
You are irreplaceable. 
You have purpose. 
You have promise. 
I love you. Always, always, always. I love you. 

So my prayer for you as you cruise into 2015, is that you allow God to break your heart for what breaks his. I pray that he breaks your heart in a way that reveals his purpose, his plan, and his will for your life and the lives around you. I pray that he breaks your heart in a way that refines you, strengthens you, and gives you boldness to proclaim his name. Let there be a victory in our lives and the lives around us because we know we are loved by the Father and there is NOTHING that even comes close to comparing. 

You are great. You are wonderful. You are special. I love you. I love you. I love you. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Validation

It's no secret that I have had some pretty significant life changes over the past few months. It's also no secret that the kick start to these life changes was a broken heart. Even when I was devastated, I had a crazy, confident strength that God was doing something much bigger than I could imagine. I was right...clearly, because seminary was not even on my radar, at all. Even though I KNEW God was moving and working, I was still hurting. My heart and soul physically ached. Romans 8:26 says this, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." I kid you not. From March-May my prayer life was this desperate groan for God. I literally would lay on my bed and open my mouth and just...groan. I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me, because truly my heart is on such an incredible journey. I can't even imagine my life differently, nor do I want to. I say all this to bring about today's blog topic, validation.

It was during my counseling sessions where I just broke down and said, "I never want to do this again. EVER. I'm angry, hurt, lost, sad, and frankly, I'M PISSED!" My therapist said that I was grieving two things, the loss of the relationship itself, and the loss of the validation. While  I'm  healed from not having that person in my life, it's the loss of the validation in my life that I'm hurting over. Validation is a powerful source of confidence and it's a verbal and physical proof of worthiness. I had been in an "A frame" relationship and when that other side of the "A" left, I fell flat on my face. So how can I learn to love people (not just romantic relationships, all relationships!) wholly, like I do naturally, but still not rely on their validation? I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. And I've got to tell you this "own two feet journey" has been INCREDIBLE. I have made new, deep, and lasting friendships. I have established a richer prayer life. I have experienced true discipleship. AND I am in the best shape of my life! Healthy body=Healthy Spirit! I mean, dang, I did a mud run this past week, just to prove to myself that I am strong on my own (and with an awesome gal pal!). 5.6 miles, 22 obstacles, 100% PURE and HOLY FUN!

Before

After

God has called us to live in community and fellowship with others, but he has also called us to live completely reliant on HIM. It's easier for me to call a friend and vent than it is to go to God in prayer. There is an immediate response and sense of comfort with the friend. I'm not saying we can't call our friends and vent, but there needs to be a balance between prayer and study, and discussion with friends. Because then we are in those moments where we are physically alone, which we will all have those moments, we will have a strong confidence in what God is doing. 

I love Romans 8. Romans 8: 24-25 says, "...hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." I am an anxious woman, but my hope is that God continues to build strength and dignity in me through each circumstance I face in life. My steady, two feet are waiting for me at Asbury. I will be on my own, away from everything that is comfortable and I can't think of a better way to find myself and who God wants me to be. My prayer is that I can continue to have hope that the promises of God's good and healing plan for my life and the daily forgiveness of my sins is validation enough. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28 

But he was pierced for our transgressions,  he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. -Isaiah 53:5

We are chosen. We are loved. We are forgiven. We are worthy.