Validation

It's no secret that I have had some pretty significant life changes over the past few months. It's also no secret that the kick start to these life changes was a broken heart. Even when I was devastated, I had a crazy, confident strength that God was doing something much bigger than I could imagine. I was right...clearly, because seminary was not even on my radar, at all. Even though I KNEW God was moving and working, I was still hurting. My heart and soul physically ached. Romans 8:26 says this, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." I kid you not. From March-May my prayer life was this desperate groan for God. I literally would lay on my bed and open my mouth and just...groan. I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me, because truly my heart is on such an incredible journey. I can't even imagine my life differently, nor do I want to. I say all this to bring about today's blog topic, validation.

It was during my counseling sessions where I just broke down and said, "I never want to do this again. EVER. I'm angry, hurt, lost, sad, and frankly, I'M PISSED!" My therapist said that I was grieving two things, the loss of the relationship itself, and the loss of the validation. While  I'm  healed from not having that person in my life, it's the loss of the validation in my life that I'm hurting over. Validation is a powerful source of confidence and it's a verbal and physical proof of worthiness. I had been in an "A frame" relationship and when that other side of the "A" left, I fell flat on my face. So how can I learn to love people (not just romantic relationships, all relationships!) wholly, like I do naturally, but still not rely on their validation? I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. And I've got to tell you this "own two feet journey" has been INCREDIBLE. I have made new, deep, and lasting friendships. I have established a richer prayer life. I have experienced true discipleship. AND I am in the best shape of my life! Healthy body=Healthy Spirit! I mean, dang, I did a mud run this past week, just to prove to myself that I am strong on my own (and with an awesome gal pal!). 5.6 miles, 22 obstacles, 100% PURE and HOLY FUN!

Before

After

God has called us to live in community and fellowship with others, but he has also called us to live completely reliant on HIM. It's easier for me to call a friend and vent than it is to go to God in prayer. There is an immediate response and sense of comfort with the friend. I'm not saying we can't call our friends and vent, but there needs to be a balance between prayer and study, and discussion with friends. Because then we are in those moments where we are physically alone, which we will all have those moments, we will have a strong confidence in what God is doing. 

I love Romans 8. Romans 8: 24-25 says, "...hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." I am an anxious woman, but my hope is that God continues to build strength and dignity in me through each circumstance I face in life. My steady, two feet are waiting for me at Asbury. I will be on my own, away from everything that is comfortable and I can't think of a better way to find myself and who God wants me to be. My prayer is that I can continue to have hope that the promises of God's good and healing plan for my life and the daily forgiveness of my sins is validation enough. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28 

But he was pierced for our transgressions,  he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. -Isaiah 53:5

We are chosen. We are loved. We are forgiven. We are worthy.