My friend Lisa Myers and I came up with this really awesome
event idea for ATS Fitness. We wanted to showcase our classes, but we also felt the need to provide an event for the community that was deeply rooted in
our vision for whole person holiness. When we started dreaming we were like,
"oh man, this is will be fun" but the more we've planned and prayed
the greater this event became. Not because the event itself is going to be a
blast, but because it has ignited some processing in our own lives.
So, what is #startswithLOVE? #StartswithLOVE is this idea
that we are all on a journey, whether we are just starting, still on it, or
getting ready to go. Any journey that you go on, whether it's a spiritual
journey or physical one, it begins with love. It begins with loving yourself
enough to be who you are in this moment, but it also means loving yourself
enough not to settle that the person who you are in this moment is all you can
be.
A couple of weeks ago I invited my little friends, Drew and
Kate, to come over and bake cookies with me. I'll be honest with you, nothing
brings out my type A more than doing crafts and baking with children, but it
ended up being quite enjoyable! As we were baking, I let the kids pour
each ingredient in the bowl. Sweet, sweet Kate, would look in the bowl with wonder every time she’d pour something
in and look up at me and say, "Are they cookies
yet?" I'd say, "Not yet... but almost!" Finally, they were
cookies and we got to delight in the ooey, gooey goodness of warm
chocolate chip cookies!
After our baking adventure, I got to thinking about Kate's curiosity of when the flour, eggs, butter, etc were going to be cookies. I kept saying to myself, "are they cookies yet?" And it reminded me of my own journey. This past year I have had more than once looked up to heaven and said to God, "are we there yet?" or "are we done yet?" I have loved this journey, I have loved the growth and I am in love with who I am and who I am becoming. It's so exciting, but I do get in these moments of growing pain and sorrow and I'm like, "God...what more can you do? Am I not done yet?"
Here is my latest growing pain. My #startswithLOVE journey
is all about finding my identity in Christ, and the latest part of my journey
is reclaiming things about myself that are gifts from
God. Here is the thing about not knowing your identity or
having your identity in the wrong lens, the good and deeply rooted qualities
about us become objects of attack. I am a pretty sensitive woman,
I have a very discerning heart and feel deeply for others. I love fully and
hurt deeply, I know no other way. However, over the years, these qualities became
an undoing for many relationships and myself. I was “too sensitive”, “weak
minded”, and “thought/cared too much.” I hated how much I cared. I tried to
care less, but hated that as well. Processing through reclaiming my sensitivity and discernment,
has been difficult. God has led me to situations that require great
strength and great sensitivity. I have had to set boundaries where I never saw myself setting them. I can tell you this, it hasn't been easy, I
have cried a lot and each time I have looked to God and I said, "are we done yet, am
I complete?"
How have I journeyed through these moments of
pain? I remind myself that refinement through fire, requires a lot of heat, a
lot of love, and a lot of hope. But the end results are worth it, because I will be
made complete it Christ. I also began to envision Psalm 139:
“For
you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I
praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was
not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven
together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes
saw my unformed body all the days, ordained for me were written in your
book before one of them came to be. How
precious to me are your thoughts, God! How
vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still
with you.”
I started picturing God working in this dark room,
Frankenstein style; I probably need a better vision, but He’s speaking
life from his precious thoughts into this modeling clay, creating, etching, and
forming me. This is what I envisioned him saying, “Hi beautiful one. You are
going to be great, a masterpiece. Your name will be Sarah. It means princess,
and sometimes you will act a little too much like one. And this will make me
smile, because it’s in those moments you are being honest with your standards.
And you deserve the best, so you will keep those standards high. And this is
your heart. Sometimes it’s going to feel a little to big for your small frame,
sometimes you will wonder why it hurts the way it does. But this heart is
attached to your hands, and your hands will do great things. They will hold
young children as they learn about me, they will hold young women who are
battling to find themselves, and they will hold your family’s as your family
takes on new shapes. Your heart will attach to your eyes, and you will cry A
LOT. As beautiful as your face will be, my dear, you will be a not so beautiful
crier, but it will be real and genuine and people will love your authenticity,
because they will see me through it. Your tears will be a reflection of your
sensitivity to the Spirit.”
That’s just a glimpse, but it brings about an important
point. Those qualities are things about myself that I allowed
others (and myself) to destroy and manipulate, but they are
qualities that God created for me. I love myself enough to take joy in these
gifts from God, and I also love myself enough to keep processing these gifts and letting them grow,
no matter how tough the growing pains get. I'm "not done" yet and I find that exciting.
So friends. What are you journeying through? Where
do you see your journey going? Who are
you becoming? What qualities about yourself do you feel God tapping and
chiseling inside you? Be encouraged. Jesus tells us to take heart, which I love because it sounds like a sweet southern saying,“…In this world you will
have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." I don’t know
what you are feeling or where you are in your journey, but take heart. Take
heart, your pain is a just a faint whisper in this life. Our Lord is longing to
love you deeply and take you along this beautiful journey! Take heart. You are
chosen. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are worthy.
Tell me your #startswithLOVE journey or even better, come to #startswithLOVE on Feb 14 from 9:30-11:30!
In all this you greatly rejoice, though
now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of
trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your
faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by
fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is
revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you
do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an
inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of
your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1: 6-9
