What a Shame

So I have had a “calling” on my heart for a little over a year now. I’ve thrown myself into this shame, healing, and hope topic and as it develops this one issue in the midst of those subjects keeps coming up. Sex. Did you cringe? I have avoided this post as if it was Ebola.  Avoided it out of fear, but also because it’s deeply personal. But after some prayers and encouragement (and more prayers, and a couple of kicks in the butt) I am going to talk about sex today. Specifically I am going to discuss the shame that comes for sexual sin.  So if this topic makes you uncomfortable, or if you are related to me and don’t want to hear me discuss this topic, then go ahead and exit out. 

Imagine with me a story that may sound familiar to you. Jesus is sitting at a dinner party that the Pharisee Simon is hosting. A woman was in the room, standing in the background. We don’t know much about her story, but I think we can probably guess. She has lived her recent years in a shame spiral, one man after another, promising her love and comfort only to leave her feeling lonely and destroyed. She brushes off the hurt and shoves the heartache under a rug, only to continue the cycle, until this last time. This time, she’s had enough. She heard Jesus was going to be at this house for dinner and knows that these are often open to the public, so she quietly sneaks in the back. Just being in the same room with Jesus suffocates her. She’s heard his stories of healing, and she wants that same healing. “He raised a man from the dead, I’m sure he can erase my memories of my past.” She begins to weep at he thought of healing. She comes closer, hesitantly. Everyone here seems so clean, she’s clean outwardly, she made sure of that, but she can tell that everyone is looking at her like she doesn’t belong. She feels as if they can see every sin in her. Closer and closer she comes, her legs feel like Jello and her brain is static noise. She bows down at Jesus’ feet and her strength releases from her in a form of heavy weeping. She’s crying on his feet, how embarrassing. Everyone is looking, but she doesn’t care anymore. How long was she crying at his feet? An hour, two minutes? It didn’t matter; it felt right so she stayed. She poured out the most expensive bottle of perfume, a gift from the last man she had been with, on his feet and mixed the oil and tears with her hair. This man deserved more than this, but it is all she had. She laid out every thing she had left for the hope of healing. She heard snickering and then was abruptly interrupted by the man named Simon. She hears him talking disgusted to Jesus about her actions. Jesus asked Simon a weird question about money and debts being forgiven and Simon states that the man with the bigger debt would have more gratitude for the Lord and that oddly made sense to her. He then grabs her chin lightly in his hand and pulls her attention to his eyes. He speaks to her with kindness, like she had never experienced before and tells her the words she has longed to hear for what feels like eternity, “Beautiful, sweet daughter, your sins, your shame, your past it has been forgiven. You are forgiven. Your faith has saved you, go in peace.” She gets up and hugs him deeply, walks away, forever changed. (Luke 7:36-50)

After she leaves that night we don’t know what happens to her. Actually, we rarely know what happens to anyone after these huge encounters with Jesus. We can make some guesses though, can’t we, based on our own stories? I can guarantee you that this woman still struggled with her sexuality and sin. Maybe not the physical act of sex but from the shame attached to it. How can I be so sure that she still struggled? Because, I too have been at the feet of Jesus in my sexual shame pouring every ounce of me on his feet, not feeling worthy. I’ve been there, as I’m sure many of us all have been with one sin or another.

I can stand up and talk about and look at my past with objectivity now, but the battle of the shame creeps up on me daily. I’ve squandered the one temple God has entrusted me with and have wrecked havoc on my ideas of relational intimacy. Here is some good news to combat those thoughts, finding forgiveness for our sexual sin is less about reclaiming the state of our body, but about restoring the state of our hearts. We can’t un-see or undo the sins we have committed but we can find forgiveness from our sins and move forward.

Forgiveness and healing are the only ways we will ever feel whole.

The first step in finding healing is confession and repentance. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” This may be difficult to do, because we will be taking inventory and stock of our “junk” we’ve shoved under the rug. Brene Brown says that shame can only live in the dark, and in order to defeat the spiral shame sends us down we have to bring our shame to the surface of the light. We have to confess and repent.

The next step, I found to be the most difficult, accepting and believing in the renewal and healing the Lord is providing. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 Paul writes, “if we are in Christ, we become a new creation, the old is gone and the new is here!” If we can’t believe in our on healing and triumph, it won’t happen, we have to believe that God has forgiven us and is creating in us a new heart. We can’t keep looking back on our past and feel defeated, we have to forgive ourselves for our actions and forgive the actions of others (which doesn’t mean rekindling an unhealthy relationship).

One area of self-forgiveness I see in my life and the lives of other women I work with is that we don’t feel worthy of more than, “cheap sex.” And here’s a news flash if sex happened outside the marriage it’s cheap. That doesn’t discount the feelings you had in the relationship, you might have really been in love, or maybe not, but the act of sex outside of marriage is cheap sex. It’s going to be difficult not to look back and point fingers and attribute unworthiness to our lives, but we have to look forward and hold on. We are worthy of full, intimate relationships with God and our spouse. Getting rid of the third party, shame, means we are going to have to lean into the idea that healing might be scary, but it will be worth it. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43: 18

The woman from the beginning is not the only woman with a sinful past that Christ uses to glorify his Kingdom. 

• Mary Magdalene-A former prostitute and she was one of the first ones to see Jesus after his death!
• The woman to be stoned- She was caught in the midst of adultery, Jesus used her to share his message of forgiveness.
• Woman at the well- Had five husbands and was living with a man she wasn't married to and Jesus saw past her shame to bring the Good News to Samaria
• And me... A former romance-oholic, sharing about my sin and shame in the hopes the message of God's grace and healing reaches someone.

Christ didn’t die for us because we were the worst of the worst or because our sin was dirtier than others, he died for us because he deemed us worthy. He took our shame upon himself. He turned our ashes into beauty. 

Unplanned.

I read this quote the other day, "My entire life can be summed up in one sentence, 'It didn't go as I planned, and that's okay.'" At first read, I said, "That's extreme, their entire life?" but then I kept thinking about it...because I agreed. Maybe not for the entire life part, but for the past few years, it is exactly speaking my words. As I was thinking about this, I read Isaiah 55, and that's really where I want to start today.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your way  and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.”
- Isaiah 55: 8-13

Maybe this might sound complain-y, but the point of my blog is to be open and honest, and sometimes honesty is like complaining. I am turning 26 this year. I know, I'm still young, I have lots of life to live, but I've got to tell you, I am really struggling with it. On the rounding scale I will now have to round up to 30. That's not really why I'm struggling with it though. I had this plan for my life, I've written about it before, but I'm talking about it again. I wanted to be married and have a kid on the way by the time I was 27. That was the plan, that was the goal, that was the dream. Every year that plan gets farther and farther away. Some days I'm super thankful that God crushed this plan and other days I am super bummed, because remember now, I LOVE a well written out plan of action.

Did you ever have a plan that didn't work? Maybe it isn't life altering, but a simple thing you wanted to see happen that didn't? Maybe you are living the broken dream right now?

Isaiah 55 gives me so much comfort in the midst of my struggle and quite frankly sadness. I want to pull some things out so that you too may have some hope. 

Verses 8-9: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.As the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Guess what? God's plans are better. Better than we can ever imagine. It's a verse used a lot, but it's truth: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Can you say all of that about your plans that you have made?

Verses 10-11: As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth, It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Maybe your plan didn't work out like you wanted it to? Maybe you've been hurting and broken and wondering why? Maybe you feel like you are wandering aimlessly between failed attempts of new plans? When I read this part of Isaiah 55, I am given hope for my pain, hope for my trial, hope for my broken plan. God doesn't hang you out to dry, that's not his game. In fact, He is quite the opposite, He gives purpose to your pain. He doesn't call your plan dumb because it's not His. I believe he actually honors your dreams and he makes it better. Tremendously better. He makes His dreams your dreams. 

Verses 12: You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.

I love this. All of Isaiah 55 has incredible imagery. I recommend reading this over and visualizing the words, make them come to life. This verse specifically exudes confidence to me. It doesn't say,"hopefully you will go out and be happy" or "maybe the pain will stop." No, it says very definitely, you WILL go out in JOY and you WILL be LED forth in PEACE. You will walk with confidence into this new and scary and exciting plan that God has ordained, and the whole earth will be excited with you. And while we keep trying to make plans on our own accord, and when our plans continue to fail, God's plan will flourish. Doesn't that sound much more appealing?

**Side note, when I read about the trees clapping their hands,I see Liz Lemon high giving a million angels, now that's confidence**

So here I am, getting older everyday, living a completely different unplanned plan. It's scary. It's wonderful. It's not what I initially wanted, but it's now a journey that I can no longer imagine not being on. 

Where are you? What are you feeling right now? Stay strong in the process of pain, it's worth it because.;."You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." 

Remember you are worthy. Amen for that. 

Do the Stuff that Scares you

A few months ago I was discussing with a professor a goal I have and  I was asking him how I could be more authentic with people. He suggested, "you should have a talk back session." I responded, "yea, great, sure sure." I started thinking about that idea and got this eery pit in my stomach that I get when I know someone's right, but it means getting out of my comfort zone. It means stretching where I am and into who I'm becoming.

Truth time.

I love writing this blog, seriously. I believe that the Lord has gifted me with this season of writing, and I believe He wants me to share it with others. Even if it's just one person, that's one person who doesn't feel alone in their brokenness. BUT. I get to write about what I want to write about. I get to be as vulnerable as I want to be. I get to show you as much of me as I want you to see. What I put on the table is in my control. Having a "talk back session"...well that means letting people ask questions that may not be on the table and it may mean getting into some nitty gritty parts of my life. And this is the part that scares me.  Vulnerability has kind of becoming a buzz word around these parts, and I think it's been watered down a bit. Don't get my wrong, vulnerability is great, but there is a difference in being vulnerable about stuff you've overcome and conquered and being vulnerable about stuff you are currently working through. And it's scary to walk out into that open water.

I'm in this leadership mentor group with some really great women. We meet a couple times of month and share our struggles and take joy in our strengths without fear of judgment. This week's challenge is to do something that would make us grow as leaders. I was talking with one of the women saying, "I'm just going to stop complaining" or "I'm just going to try and be nice to so and so." She responded with, "is that suppressing or growing?" Well it's suppressing and now I have no idea what to do. She said, not knowing the uncomfortableness about the idea my professor suggested, "you should have a question/answer blog post, let people ask questions anonymously, and you respond."

Ugh.

Immediately I went into fear mode, because this whole concept scares me. "Well I don't have very many readers, what if no one asks anything?" "What if they ask something I don't want to talk about?" "What if I don't know the answer?" "What if they don't like my answer?" "What if they think I'm dumb, stupid, etc etc"

Her response, "It's about the doing of it that grows you as a leader"

So friends, because we will never grow in our comfort zone...here it is. Here is my first of (hopefully not but most likely) many talk back sessions.

• You can ask me questions about things you're experiencing, and hopefully I can relate and respond.
• You can send me prayer request and I will pray for you.
• You can ask me questions about me, and I will do my best to give you an honest answer.
• You can share with me a story and I will praise the name of Jesus with you.
• You can criticize and critique my viewpoints and...I'll probably cry BUT I will read it and respect your opinions.

Take your pick, add some more...this is new to me and it's scary, but it's in the doing that we grow.

• Respond to the post anonymously (or not, that's on your end). 
• Facebook message me. 
• Email me at martin.jean.sarah@gmail.com.

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 

Colossians 2:2-3

Come Awake

My dear friend Bill Bagwell sent me this picture of "Jesus Dancing with Lazarus" a year ago. It's a great image, and with the combination of the story of Lazarus and watching Wild, I've been reflecting on my own story. 

Do you remember the story of Jesus and Lazarus? It's found in John 11. Martha and Mary came to Jesus, asking for help because "the one Jesus loved" was dying. Jesus's response is touching, but his actions questionable? "When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”  Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.” Jesus waited two days to go to Bethany to heal Lazarus. TWO DAYS!

Martha and Mary were pretty upset when Jesus finally arrived, as I probably would be too. They "knew" Laz would rise at the resurrection, but that wasn't good enough, they were disappointed, hurt, and angry.

In their grief, Jesus shows compassion on Lazarus and his sisters. Laz had been dead in the tomb for 4 days and Martha in her frustration explains to him how death works, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” Can you hear her sass? I’ve also related to Martha and her sass (if you know me, you know this sass well). And Jesus in his truth with love explains, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” and with authority he says, "Lazarus, get up, take off your grave clothes and move." 

Have you ever been Lazarus? Or Martha? Or Mary? Have you ever felt like you are waiting for something to happen? Maybe it's physical healing for you or someone else? Emotional healing? Maybe you have no idea what you are waiting for, but you're just....waiting?

Sometimes we are waiting. And during the wait we feel far from everything, far from healing, peace, callings…God. And sometimes Jesus is waiting too. Which seems weird and counterproductive, but He is waiting with a plan so that He can reveal something even greater than what our earthly minds can fathom. There is a hope in our waiting and our grief.  

Waiting in the mire isn't fun, but as we groan everyday, we grow everyday. I have hope for us, for I know when this waiting season is over Jesus is going to say, "Get up! Take off those grave clothes! And go!" And we will go,  as more mature healing hearts. We will go forward with abandonment, because we are following the voice that calls us from the dead. Lazarus could not have been the same person after this, and neither will we. Maybe you're coming out of the waiting, maybe that moment is just around the corner, or maybe it’s in the distance, but until that day, let's sit, wait, listen, and watch. 

Like Martha and Mary, I believe that Jesus is who He says He is and can do what He promises He will do. So what are you sitting in, waiting on, coming out of? Whatever it is. You're not alone and you are not stuck, just waiting.

Have hope. Be changed. Move forward.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. 

Ezekiel 36:26

Sarah

Transformation

TRANSFORM: transitive verb

a :  to change in composition or structure

b :  to change the outward form or appearance of

c :  to change in character or condition :  convert

Well, I've been struggling about what to write about lately. I have so many thoughts in my head and heart. So, while I process what I can't yet verbalize, let me share with you a little of my heart. Here is my testimony that was filmed and shared at Offerings First United Methodist. 

Let me just emphasis something...I know I tend to talk a lot about pain, but true brokenness hurts. Frankly, it sucks. There is no sugar coating a broken heart and a broken spirit. But, here is some encouragement, my broken heart, my depression, my healing journey, my moving to Kentucky, my starting school, and my journey to becoming this woman I never imaged for myself, it has all happened in less than a year. LESS THAN A YEAR. I have LIVED this year, I’ve done it all and I cannot imagine what the rest of this journey is going to be like. 

You are worthy. You are so worthy.

Thank you to Offerings of FUMC Lexington for filming and sharing my story. I am thankful to have found a new church to call home. I'm excited to explore new ministries and find new passions.

Love is Love?

E

There is this video spreading around the interweb. It's of this huge x-ray machine with figures playing, kissing, hanging out, and then they come out from around the curtain. Have you seen it? It's pretty heart warming with the moral of the story being love sees no discrimination. I'd like to set my disclaimer here. This is not a blog post about diversity. This is a post about the very end of the video. At the end of the video it is briefly said, "love is love."

Love is Love?

What?

1. You can't define a word with using the word itself.
2. It's just simply not true.

Honestly, at first watch, I got ooey gooey feelings. Tear came to my eye, it's a good video. But after much contemplation, I felt really uncomfortable by the message that love is love. When we define love as "love." I think we cheapen the concept, narrow the scope, and cheat ourselves. Love is simply not just love. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love doesn't envy. Love is humble. Love serves. Love hopes. Love perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13)

That's just the start.

Being in love whether it is be romantically, friendly, or familial, love requires a great deal of our lives. It means sacrificing, serving, being present, and setting ourselves aside. When the honeymoon phase ends and things get tough, is "love is love" enough?

I don't have the answer to that question, but I do have these two scriptures:

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me? Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
--John 21: 15-19

What does Jesus require of Peter to show his love? ACTION. Feed and take care of His sheep. Sacrifice, commitment, patience (seriously, have you ever tried to love a difficult person? or actually taken care of sheep? It's hard), gentleness, dedication, should I go on? Love requires action. Especially when things are tough!

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.--Matthew 22-37-28

What does love require? All your heart, all your soul, all your mind. Have you ever attempted to put your all into something? What happens? You end up pretty drained. Not to say love is draining, BUT love is work! It's awesome and rewarding work. The returns are worth it. Secondly, you should love your neighbor as yourself. How can you love others with out loving for yourself, loving yourself takes processing, vulnerability, and courage. Can you do that for yourself and for others?


So you see, love is simply not love. Labeling it as such can lead to a great deal of heartache. When the simplicity of love being love wears away, your foundation is gone and your framework tumbles down. I can't tell you how many times I have stayed in relationships that needed to end because it was "love." I can't tell you how many times I have stayed in the darkness of sin because I was in "love." Please hear my heart, love is simply not love. God is love and God is light and NO darkness can hide in the light.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 

--1 John 4:16

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 

--1 John 1: 5-7

Love is deep, rich, and challenging. And I pray that you experience love in such a renewing way.

#StartswithLOVE

My friend Lisa Myers and I came up with this really awesome event idea for ATS Fitness. We wanted to showcase our classes, but we also felt the need to provide an event for the community that was deeply rooted in our vision for whole person holiness. When we started dreaming we were like, "oh man, this is will be fun" but the more we've planned and prayed the greater this event became. Not because the event itself is going to be a blast, but because it has ignited some processing in our own lives. 

So, what is #startswithLOVE? #StartswithLOVE is this idea that we are all on a journey, whether we are just starting, still on it, or getting ready to go. Any journey that you go on, whether it's a spiritual journey or physical one, it begins with love. It begins with loving yourself enough to be who you are in this moment, but it also means loving yourself enough not to settle that the person who you are in this moment is all you can be. 

A couple of weeks ago I invited my little friends, Drew and Kate, to come over and bake cookies with me. I'll be honest with you, nothing brings out my type A more than doing crafts and baking with children, but it ended up being quite enjoyable!  As we were baking, I let the kids pour each ingredient in the bowl. Sweet, sweet Kate, would look in the bowl with wonder every time she’d pour something in and look up at me and say, "Are they cookies yet?" I'd say, "Not yet... but almost!" Finally, they were cookies and we got to delight in the ooey, gooey goodness of warm chocolate chip cookies!

After our baking adventure, I got to thinking about Kate's curiosity of when the flour, eggs, butter, etc were going to be cookies. I kept saying to myself, "are they cookies yet?" And it reminded me of my own journey. This past year I have had more than once looked up to heaven and said to God, "are we there yet?" or "are we done yet?" I have loved this journey, I have loved the growth and I am in love with who I am and who I am becoming. It's so exciting, but I do get in these moments of growing pain and sorrow and I'm like, "God...what more can you do? Am I not done yet?" 

Here is my latest growing pain. My #startswithLOVE journey is all about finding my identity in Christ, and the latest part of my journey is reclaiming things about myself that are gifts from God. Here is the thing about not knowing your identity or having your identity in the wrong lens, the good and deeply rooted qualities about us become objects of attack. I am a pretty sensitive woman, I have a very discerning heart and feel deeply for others. I love fully and hurt deeply, I know no other way. However, over the years, these qualities became an undoing for many relationships and myself. I was “too sensitive”, “weak minded”, and “thought/cared too much.” I hated how much I cared. I tried to care less, but hated that as well. Processing through reclaiming my sensitivity and discernment, has been difficult. God has led me to situations that require great strength and great sensitivity. I have had to set boundaries where I never saw myself setting them. I can tell you this, it hasn't been easy, I have cried a lot and each time I  have looked to God and I said, "are we done yet, am I complete?"

How have I journeyed through these moments of pain? I remind myself that refinement through fire, requires a lot of heat, a lot of love, and a lot of hope. But the end results are worth it, because I will be made complete it Christ. I also  began to envision Psalm 139: 

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body all the days, ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.” 

I started picturing God working in this dark room, Frankenstein style; I probably need a better vision, but He’s speaking life from his precious thoughts into this modeling clay, creating, etching, and forming me. This is what I envisioned him saying, “Hi beautiful one. You are going to be great, a masterpiece. Your name will be Sarah. It means princess, and sometimes you will act a little too much like one. And this will make me smile, because it’s in those moments you are being honest with your standards. And you deserve the best, so you will keep those standards high. And this is your heart. Sometimes it’s going to feel a little to big for your small frame, sometimes you will wonder why it hurts the way it does. But this heart is attached to your hands, and your hands will do great things. They will hold young children as they learn about me, they will hold young women who are battling to find themselves, and they will hold your family’s as your family takes on new shapes. Your heart will attach to your eyes, and you will cry A LOT. As beautiful as your face will be, my dear, you will be a not so beautiful crier, but it will be real and genuine and people will love your authenticity, because they will see me through it. Your tears will be a reflection of your sensitivity to the Spirit.” 

That’s just a glimpse, but it brings about an important point. Those qualities are things about myself that I allowed others  (and myself) to destroy and manipulate, but they are qualities that God created for me. I love myself enough to take joy in these gifts from God, and I also love myself enough to keep processing these gifts and letting them grow, no matter how tough the growing pains get. I'm "not done" yet and I find that exciting.

So friends. What are you journeying through? Where do you see your journey going?  Who are you becoming? What qualities about yourself do you feel God tapping and chiseling inside you?  Be encouraged. Jesus tells us to take heart, which I love because it sounds like a sweet southern saying,“…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." I don’t know what you are feeling or where you are in your journey, but take heart. Take heart, your pain is a just a faint whisper in this life. Our Lord is longing to love you deeply and take you along this beautiful journey! Take heart. You are chosen. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are worthy. 

Tell me your #startswithLOVE journey or even better, come to #startswithLOVE on Feb 14 from 9:30-11:30! 

 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 1: 6-9